Revisions

I think to revise my paper I will need to provide more information about the quotes that I included.  I need to try to relate them to my main purpose better so that it is clear to the reader what I am exploring.  Also I think that I need to make better connections between my different sections, I need to make the whole essay flow in a way that it is easy for the reader to understand.  My analysis is also lacking, I need to do more research to find certain quotes that show exactly what I am trying to explain so that I can provide good details to ceonnect with my overall purpose and issue that I am trying to address.  Overall, I need to just work on my essay so that it flows better and so that it addresses the issues that I am trying to explain. 

On the picture I included some of my group liked it and some did not. Personally I think it adds to the essay because it visually shows what I am trying to address, but I will need to think about it later if I would like to include or dismiss it from my paper.

The main claim I would like to address is how women are discriminated against in sports, but I don't think it will ever change because of how people are, and all of the factors that have an influence on why women are not thought of as the athletic type.

I tried to include sources that dealt with the different sections I included in my essay, but I think I will need to do more research to find quotes that flow better throughout my essay, and that show what I would like to show so that I can explain them more in depth and relate them to my purpose.

I think I just need to find sources that make better connections to my overall purpose.  I will use different sources for each seperate section and try to relate them to eachother to make my essay more clear.

I think the sources I have now are good for the sections but I will need to find more so that it makes that connection to the purpose.  I also need to cite my sources better because I had some trouble in that area as well.